Saturday, December 24, 2011

Maybe not this time, but just wait until next time.

You know that moment when you see someone you don't want to see but you always prepared yourself for that conversation? You would either say something nice or not so nice. Today I saw the one person who I told myself, if I ever saw them again? I would show my life was great. My world doesn't revolve around him.

Unfortunately that day came today and I didn't get the chance. One, I was with my dad. Second, it's Christmas Eve. I didn't want to be mean. I'm not saying I would say something cruel. Most people don't even think I have a cruel bone in my body. But I always pictured the day when I saw him. I would tell him what I really thought of him. He was the one that hurt me the most. The sad thing is, he was a friend and a crush. Ex-boyfriends or guys I went on dates with never hurt me as much as he did. It took forever to get over him.

Instead today, we looked at each other and I turned away.

I'm hoping the day will come again. I don't want to act like a teenager and give him the talk. I just want to be grown up and tell him my thoughts. I just want to get it off my chest. Which I know sounds crazy. That was the past, this is the present. It's time to move on. It's just one of those things I want to do no matter what. Think of it as something on the Bucket List. For me, it would be a big step. I'm the shy one. I hate dealing with conflict. I try to look at the positive of something. He was the one who depressed me like there was no tomorrow.

Of course I'm not surprised when I saw him the song that always reminded me of him popped into my head.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Supernatural Dream. What more could you ask for?

I really love when I dream of TV. Last night I had a dream of Supernatural. I know, woo! Unfortunately though, my men were not in the dream for that long. They maybe appeared for a few minutes. At least that's what it felt like. Either way, the dream was based off Supernatural.

The guys stayed at a bed and breakfast where I worked. The Leviathans started to take over the place. If you don't know about the Leviathans, I'm guessing you don't watch the show. Just think a major bad guy.

Anyways, there are a few of us humans left. After the guys left, we decided to take control. We met at a far away place but of course didn't trust others that were around us. You don't know who is Leviathan since they look human. To even prove that everyone in our group indeed was a human we tested our blood.

I didn't get too far in the dream. We knew how to kill them thanks to the guys but we still had to figure out a plan. Unfortunately I woke up before a plan had been decided. Maybe I'll be lucky and I'll see part two in my dream.

Wouldn't that be nice if each dream was a sequel?

Sunday, December 11, 2011

And Here We Go Again.........

A week from today I'll be thirty-two years old. Am I ready? Yes and no. One, I kind of have no choice. Although who knows maybe someone will find the fountain of youth before I age another year.

Where did this year go? Heck where did my twenties go? It just seems like yesterday I was turning twenty-two. I still remember that birthday. I was in college and just finishing up the semester. Friends and I went out to celebrate.

What will I remember for age thirty-two? That's hard to say. I'm not the same person who can go all night and have a night out on the town. Although maybe if I get coffee or red bull in my system, I have a better chance.

I remembered when I turned thirty, I didn't do much. It was as if, after twenty-nine, you suddenly grow too old to be up all night.

Do you ever notice that? Now when you get with friends to throw a party, the party now ends at ten. Eleven, if you're lucky. What happens when we turn thirty. Is it a sign of growing older? Not a bad thing of course but it's like we know it's time to grow up. We can never look back. Neverland is a memory.

Of course now we get to experience something new. Now I can watch the TV show, Thirty-something and think, ahh, I totally get it.

Overall, I don't mind that I'm turning thirty-two years old. It was bound to happen. I think the one thing that kills me is that I only have a week to do what I like to think of as my Bucket List before I turn a certain age. I do it every year. I tell myself I'll a do few things before I turn the next age.

This year, I wanted to lose at least fifty pounds. Unless I can pull a miracle, I'm not losing that much weight by Sunday. My next goal to be closer to finding an agent. Yeah, I'm still working on my self-published book. I haven't even thought about the book I want to try traditional publishing with. I did finally decide what story and theme I want to write. But can I get it done by Sunday? Probably not. Those two were just a couple on my list. Another big one for me was to fall in love. I didn't even have a crush this year. I went on a few dates but nothing happened.

I'm thinking of dropping the falling in love goal. I do it every year and yet nothing happens. They say you aren't to think about falling in love but I have tried that so we'll see. Who knows maybe it really is true. Maybe if I don't think about my Prince Charming, he'll come.

I'll probably keep the lose the weight goal but won't go as high. I should have the list of goals done by next week. I hope.

Did you have a goal for your birthday? Did you complete it?